


A House is not a Home

by Data_HEX



Category: Final Fantasy XV, Kingsglaive
Genre: Background Draucor, Fluff, Fluffy Angst, M/M, Rare Pair, Rare Pairings, implied sex, pelnyx
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-10-29 16:57:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20799902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Data_HEX/pseuds/Data_HEX
Summary: Nyx struggles with his self image of not being enough for his Captain and his team, keeps running from the problems and tries to push everyone away. Pelna thinks Nyx is the world, suns, stars and moons and would bend over backwards for this man. Will Pelna capture this "wild coeurl" and help tame it, or will he end up with his heart ripped out and in his hands in the end?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh ho! A new fic? What? Yes. 
> 
> I really could not help myself. I sat down to work on something else, and my feelings were just all over the place. So here we are. PelNyx. I can thank a certain group of people for falling down this rabbit hole ((you know who you are. <3 truly, thank you.)). 
> 
> I don't know how long this will end up being. Right now, at least 2 chapters, maybe longer depending on my mood.  
Tags and characters will get updated as I go along.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy!

“Fuck!” 

Heads turned in the common area the Glaives shared to where Nyx had just walked in, slamming the door open, fuming. He stormed past the tables to the showers in the back, when Pelna came running in behind him. 

“Pelna! What the hell is going on?” Crowe yelled after him, but all he did was wave her off as he continued to rush to Nyx. 

As Pelna reached the showers, he could hear various gear pieces being taken off and thrown at the wall, along with various curse words being said. He inched in slowly, shutting the door as quietly as he could. 

“Nyx?” He said softly, rounding the corner and saw Nyx standing half dressed in the middle of the locker area. He looked like a wild animal in the middle of a fight or flight mode. 

Nyx turned and growled at Pelna, who fought against shrinking back into the wall. 

“Go the fuck away.” Was all Nyx could say before turning away from him, continuing to pull his gear off so he could get into the shower. 

Pelna sighed and made his way over to the wild animal in front of him. “May I help? You’re going to ruin your stuff if you keep ripping it off the way that you are. And then we’ll have to listen to you bitch about that for the next month, on top of this… whatever this is.” 

Nyx stopped and let his arms hang at his sides, sighing in defeat. “No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, It never seems to be enough for Drautos. Ever. I’m fucking tired of this.” He clenched his fists before releasing them and looking up at the ceiling. 

“I… Yeah, you can help…” Nyx added quietly. “You’re right, about the bitching part. No one wants to wear trashed gear, and it will take forever to get replacement pieces because, why would we get any money to actually fix our shit up?”

Pelna chuckled as he walked around to be in front of Nyx. Going through and unclasping various belts and removing them. He knew too well the frustrations that came with not having a large budget for the Glaives. Many of them having to fix their gear on their own and hope it lasts because for some reason, the council believes that even though they’re out there protecting their asses, they weren’t worth more. 

Nyx continued to stare at the ceiling, letting Pelna move his arms around to finish getting things off the upper half of his body, when he felt his soft hands move up under his shirt and he broke his gaze to look down at the other man. 

“I need to take this off too, if you want to shower.” Pelna smiled and just barely cocked his head to the side which made some of Nyx’s stress dissolve. 

“Mmmm, I suppose that’s true…” Nyx gave Pelna a small smile as Pelna shimmied the shirt up, and Nyx pulled it off and tossed it aside. 

Pelna looked down his body and frowned. “You haven’t been going to the medics after trainings or battles.” It wasn’t a question. He saw the various bruises, and some cuts and scrapes along Nyx’s arms and chest. 

Nyx just shrugged, and looked for the nearest bench so he could remove his boots. “Why bother? It doesn’t seem to help, especially when the next day I’m getting more.” He walked over and sat down, pulling his right foot onto his knee, pulling at the straps, but struggling. 

Sighing, Pelna walked over and knelt in front of him, tugging his foot back down so he could undo the straps. “You need to stop refusing help. One of these days your going to get hurt, and it’s going to become more serious than it needs to be because of the other injuries you failed to take care of.” He pulled the first boot off, crinkling his nose as the fact that Nyx wasn’t wearing socks. 

Nyx began to laugh at Pelna’s reaction. “Oh my god.. Your face. Dude. Oh shit.. OOhhh.” He took a deep breath to try and stop, but kept giggling intermittently as Pelna worked on the other boot. 

“I know you own socks, why aren’t you wearing them? And don’t think you’re off the hook about this.” he gestured to Nyx’s torso.

“I dunno. I just don’t think about it some days. I just get up, get dressed and go. As for the injuries, yes I know it will become detrimental to my health, but…” He went quiet for a beat. “Sometimes I feel like I’m being judged, that I’m weak for not just pushing through.”

Pelna furrowed his brows, and scooted up in between Nyx’s legs so he could wrap his arms around his waist. “What are you trying to prove by not getting medical help? That you’re an idiot who won’t listen to reason? Do you think the rest of us refuse?”

Nyx returned the embrace and trailed his fingers along Pelna’s neck. “No? Yes? I don’t know. The Captain seems indestructible. It’s hard to follow in his shadow sometimes.”

“Ahhh, so that’s it. Well, I hate to break it to you, _hero_, but Drautos has a lot more years of experience under his belt than you do, and has a partner who he let’s help him when he can’t carry his burdens himself.” Pelna poked Nyx in the chest, and grinned. “If you weren’t running all the time, you could maybe have something like that too, you know.” 

“Ooohh, ouch. Call me out why don’t you, Pel.” Nyx chuckled, and sighed again. He looked Pelna in the eyes, and gently cupped the side of his face, stroking his thumb gently against his cheek. “I’ve told you why I can’t settle…”

Pelna closed his eyes and pressed his face into the embrace. “I know… And yet, here I am. I don’t think you’ll ever get rid of me.” Opening his eyes, he saw the sad expression that painted Nyx’s face.

“That’s one of the things I’m afraid of. That you’re going to waste your time chasing after me, when I don’t know if I’ll ever allow myself to be caught.” Nyx whispered. 

Pelna smiled, wrapping his hand around Nyx’s on his face. “That’s my burden to bear, not yours. Like I said, I’m here. I know what I’m getting myself into, and have known for quite some time” He kissed Nyx’s palm before nuzzling it. “We should get you showered and fed though. You’ve had a long ass day.”

Nyx nodded, leaning forward to kiss his forehead. “Yeah, I know… Will you join me?” 

“Of course. No sex though, not until you’ve rested and eaten.” Pelna grinned at Nyx’s groan. He stood up and began taking off his own gear. He would never tell Nyx how much it hurt him that he kept running away from him and that it was slowly tearing him apart, but his love for the man was equally as great as the pain. It was a constant battle in his heart and he still didn't know what side was going to win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;-; Sweet bean Pelna. Will his heart be shattered into a million pieces? Has it already been, and he just keeps coming back for more? 
> 
> If you enjoyed this, please let me know in the comments. Throw some kudo's my way. <3
> 
> If you're interested in following me on social, my twitter is: @nursexxmorphine  
I post random shit that pertains to FFXV, other randoms, and my personal life. ((I'm too lazy to make a separate account for my writing)).


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> x.x Okay so, this wont be normal for me to post an update so soon after initially publishing the fic, but it's been on my mind all damn day, so... here you go.

Pelna whimpered softly, coming off the sexual high he could only get when he was with Nyx. Nyx kissed along his collar bone and up his neck. “Feel better?” 

“Mmmm…” was all Pelna could get out, fumbling to pull him closer to nuzzle against him. 

“And you call me needy.” Nyx teased, but resituated himself so Pelna was laying on his chest in his embrace. Nyx knew they needed to clean up, but neither of them wanted to move. Closing his eyes, he kissed the top of Pelna’s head. 

Pelna smiled to himself and nuzzled Nyx’s chest. “You are needy, Nyx…” he mumbled before sighing and lifting his head to look up at him. “We really should clean up though.” 

With a collective sigh, they both slowly made their way off the bed and to the bathroom, both of them helping the other clean off. As Pelna rinsed the rag, Nyx wrapped his arms around him from behind and rested his head on his neck. 

“Pel?”

“Yes, Nyx?”

“You have a sexy ass.”

Pelna sighed and shook his head, feeling Nyx grin against his skin. “Thanks, but I bet you tell all the boys that though.” 

Nyx snorted. “Nah. Sure they may have nice asses, but your ass is the sexiest.” He tightened his grip on the other man, taking a deep breath. “Let’s go to sleep, yeah? You have to get up early.”

Nyx pulled the other man back to bed with no complaints. Curling up together, Nyx rubs his hands along Pelna’s back. “Goodnight, Pel.”

"Mmmm... g'night love..." Pelna whispered back, already drifting off to sleep.

\--------

The alarm buzzing woke Pelna up. He groaned, turned it off and rolled over only to realize he was alone in the bed. He immediately sat up. “Nyx?” He called out, but received no answer.

He pulled himself out of bed, groping for clothes on the floor when he realized that Nyx’s clothes were gone. He slowly sat back down on the bed, heart sinking. Nyx had never left in the middle of the night unless he had gotten a call from the Captain, and he always woke Pelna up to tell him. What happened? Where did he go?

Pushing back all the negative feelings for the moment, he got dressed, and went to the kitchen to grab something quick to eat, when he noticed a note. 

_“Pel, _

_I know this won’t help make you feel any better, but… I’m sorry. _

_I just can’t. I’m in no place to let you into my heart, or deeper into my life. It hurts too much. I… love you too much._

_Don’t come looking for me. I requested to be reassigned, and I’m no longer in Insomnia. _

_This really is for the best. _

_~Nyx”_

Pelna stood there, rereading each word, hand shaking. “You’re such an asshole Nyx Ulric…” He whispered into the silence. He slowly folded up the paper and put it in his pocket before he grabbed a few rolls and smothered them in honey. He shoved one into his mouth as he ran out the door for training. 

His mind was racing. Does this mean he volunteered to be on the front lines full-time now? The thought pained him. While being on the front lines wasn’t necessarily a death sentence, many of them didn’t come back without injuries and scars of some kind, and some of those injuries were unhealable and left them broken for the rest of their lives. 

He walked into the Glaive locker room, still lost in his thoughts. He saw Crowe and Libertus talking off in a corner and tried to give them a smile, but based on the looks he received back, he wasn't doing a good job at hiding his emotions. 

Crowe walked over and rubbed his shoulder. “Hey, you okay?” 

Pelna went to speak, but shrugged instead and went to his locker for the rest of his gear, before he quietly asked “When did the front-liners ship out?” 

“Front-liners? Uhh.. Around midnight I think, maybe one. There were rumors that the Niffs were going to do an overnight attack.” Crowe shrugged. “Why? You thinking of joining them for the next round?” 

“I mean, eventually we’ll all be there, our group is due to go out there soon, but I never pegged you to volunteer for it.” Libertus chimed in. 

Midnight. Nyx had left his apartment just a few hours after he had fallen asleep. Did that mean Nyx hadn’t slept either, and just laid there holding him? How did he not hear him leave? He clutched the door of his locker, knuckles going white. 

“Yo, you okay Pel?” Libertus asked, concerned with the way the color drained from his friends face. 

“No… I just.. I think Nyx was with that group.” he said softly, releasing his grip and letting his shoulders sag. 

Libertus made a face “Wait, you didn’t know? He signed up a few weeks ago. Captain told him he’d let him know when he’d be needed.” 

Pelna reached into his pocket and held up the folded note. “No.. This was all I got this morning when I woke up. Doesn’t matter now.” He pulled out his gloves and daggers, slammed the door shut and walked past them for training. 

He would let his anger out during training, and then figure out what to do with the gaping hole that stupid man left behind. Knowing Nyx, he wouldn’t be coming back any time soon, if at all. He would push himself until exhaustion, or die trying to save someone else, because he always has to be the hero. 

“Fuck you Nyx… You stupid selfish man…” He whispered as he lined up with the remaining Glaives.

\--------

Nyx stared out the window of the van that was carrying them away from the city. He stared at the stars, wishing he was anywhere else but in that van looking at them.

Luche sat across from Nyx, and was watching him intently. “Hey, Ulric. You look like someone just kicked your puppy to death. You sure you’re ready for this?” 

Nyx raised an eyebrow at him and flipped him off, too tired and too broken inside, to do anything more. 

“I’m serious. If you’re not on your A game and cause problems…” Luche started, but Nyx cut him off. 

“I’m fine. I’m not going to cause problems. I know what we’re doing, and we’ll get it done. Just shut up will you?” Nyx rolled his eyes and went back to staring at the stars. He knew this was a cowards way out, but it was one of the things he was good at, running from his problems. 

He sighed, and fiddled with a small star charm that was attached to his jacket. Pelna had gotten it for him for his birthday. ‘You know, just something small to keep with you. Something to remember me by.’ 

Like he could ever forget him. He loved Pelna more than any of the others, and while it had become an unsaid agreement that no one ever really got and stayed with anyone else, if he could spend the rest of his life with that man, he would. 

But he couldn’t. He had hurt Pelna more than he had ever wanted to by running between people, and then back to him to help put him back together. Now he hoped someone would be there for Pelna to put him back together, because he didn’t intend on coming back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Pel.. 
> 
> Stupid Nyx..
> 
> ;-;


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My muse has been singing sweet nothings in my ears all weekend. I hope you're enjoying the lovely angst.

The first few weeks were the hardest. Pelna just wandered around like an empty shell. Any calls made to Nyx were ignored. Notes sent back unread. It was destroying him that Nyx thought this was the right way to end things. All he wanted was to tell him that while he was angry, he forgave him. All of them were fucked up in some manner, and they would have to work through that, but he still wanted him in his life.

It wasn’t until Drautos pulled him aside that he realized just how bad he had let things get. 

“You wanted to see me, Sir?” Pelna poked his head into Drautos’s office. 

Drautos gestured to the seat. “Yes, I did. Please sit.”

Pelna swallowed nervously and sat down in front of the Captains desk. He rubbed his hands on his knees before interlocking his fingers and putting them on top of the desk. 

Drautos looked him over and sighed. “Pelna, I’m putting you on paid leave for the next two weeks.”

“W.. what?” Pelna blinked rapidly, feeling confused. “I don’t understand, Sir.”

“I’ve received a few comments about your continuous decline in mental health. While you’ve done fine in all the trainings, you’re not there upstairs. If you were like this out of it on the field, one wrong move and you or someone else would be dead.” Drautos looked at him with a sad expression on his face. 

“I may be hard on you all, but I’m not heartless. I do understand how it feels when the person you love walks out of your life.” He sighed. “I really hoped things would get better for you, or that Nyx would get his head out of his ass and come back, but neither has happened. Unfortunately, Nyx does a better job at keeping his emotions in check than you do. You need to take a break.”

Pelna sat there in stunned silence. He thought he had everything under control, but it was apparent that he didn’t. “Sir, please. I… I really don’t want to spend that much time alone at home.” He said quietly. 

“Then don’t stay at home. There are plenty of other things to do around town. If you must keep yourself busy, go volunteer somewhere. But, saying this from experience, you have a lot of shit you need to work out. The Pelna everyone loves has been replaced with a machine with no emotions.” Drautos reached across the desk and took one of his hands. 

“Please do this. We all miss you.” 

Pelna stared at the Captain’s hand before nodding. “I.. okay. You’re right. I… I thought…” he sighed. “I thought he would come back… I thought it would be easier..” He squeezed the Captain’s hand and swallowed thickly, trying not to break down.

He looked up, biting hit bottom lip. “Will you let me know if he comes back, or…” he didn’t want to think of the alternative, but he would still like to know. 

Drautos smiled, squeezed his hand back before pulling back to sit back, and nodded. “You will definitely be one of the first people notified if something changes. Your leave starts the moment you walk out of this office, okay?” 

“Thank you, Sir. I will figure things out while I’m gone.” Pelna nodded, got up and left, feeling a bit disheartened that he hadn’t done a better job at hiding his pain. He was the person everyone else went to when they hurt, he never went to anyone when he was hurting because he never wanted to be a burden. Except for when he would go to Nyx, but he was the main reason why he hurt. 

Not realizing where he was going, he bumped right into Crowe. 

“Oh shit, sorry…” he mumbled, and tried to keep going.

She stopped and grabbed his shoulder. “Pelna! Wait, I was actually looking for you.”

He looked at her confused. “Uh.. okay?” 

“Come out for drinks tonight, and before you use the excuse that you’re pulling a double shift, I already know you’ve been put on leave. I’m one of the people who talked to the Captain since you wouldn’t listen to any of us.” she let go on his shoulders and looked at him concerned. 

“Please, Pel? We miss the old you.” she added quietly. 

He stood there for a moment, before he nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. Uh.. What time?”

Crowe grinned before throwing her arms around him in a big hug. “Seven thirty, and if you’re not there, I will hunt you down and drag your sorry ass there.” she pulled away, still grinning. “Thank you. See you then!” She waved and ran off in the opposite direction. 

“Yep…” He replied even though she was already gone. He sighed, shaking his head, as he made his way to his apartment to shower and change into clean clothes. It was only four, so he had a few hours to kill before he needed to show up for drinks. 

He walked into his apartment, and glanced at the pile of notes and letters that kept being returned to him. He knew he should throw them out, or at least put them somewhere out of sight, but he never seemed to have the energy to do so. He just shook his head at his own stupidity and continued on into the bathroom.

Shrugging out of his clothes, he made his way to the shower. Turning it up fairly hot, he waited for the room to fill with steam before stepping in. He groaned as he felt some of the tension leave his shoulders. He quickly washed up, and changed his clothes before he sat down on the couch. 

He was suddenly hit with an overwhelming blanket of exhaustion. Staring off into nothing, he realized he was zoning out and yawned.

“I will just rest my eyes for a moment…” he said to himself, laying down. 

Before long he heard a loud banging on his door. He groaned and rubbed his eyes. What time was it? How long had he been asleep?

“Pelna god damnit, I know you’re in there. It’s almost eight. Don’t make me break down this door!” 

He could tell it was Crowe. He hurriedly got up and opened the door to let her in. “Sorry, I really did mean to be there early. I fell asleep.” 

He yawned and walked away to grab his shoes as she stood in the doorway. “Yeah yeah, just hurry up! They’re waiting for us.” 

He slipped on his shoes, grabbed his phone and keys, and followed her back out. “I know, I know. Let’s go.”

\--------

They walked in and saw the group of Glaives off in the corner.

“PELNA! You found him Crowe! Yeaah!! Come have a drink, it’s on me!” Libertus was already fairly drunk, which made Pelna smile. 

“How much have you had to drink tonight, Lib?” Pelna poked fun at him as he sat down. 

Libertus snorted. “Not nearly enough. Here!” He grinned and slid Pelna a beer. 

Pelna smiled, and took a long drink when he felt his phone buzz. Pulling it out, he sighed. 

“Ignore it Pel. You need this drink.” Libertus said and tried to pull Pelna’s phone out of his hand. 

“It’s the Captain, I can’t ignore it.” Pelna quickly got up from the table. 

“Hello?”

_“Pelna, I hate to ruin your first night on leave, but we have news from the front lines.”_

His heart began to hammer in his chest, and he made a form of squeaking noise as a response. 

_“There was an explosion, many of our Glaives got caught in it, Nyx being one of them. He’s in critical condition, and being brought back to Insomnia. There’s no guarantee that he will make it. But I felt you needed to know so you weren’t blind-sided later this evening. You are not allowed to wait at the med wing. I will come get you personally to see him, no matter the outcome.”_

“Th… thank you….”

He let his hand drop from his ear, not caring if the Captain had anything else to say. _‘Well… it’s a good thing I’m on paid leave I guess.’_ he thought bitterly and turned back around to his friends. He wanted to go home and lay in his shower until he received more news, but he knew that would just make things worse. He slowly made his way back to the table. 

“Yo, you look like you’ve seen a ghost, Pel. What’s wrong?” Lib smacked him on his back.

“Captain said there was an explosion. Nyx and a handful of others were caught in it. He doesn’t know if they’ll make it.” He looked between Lib and Crowe who looked about to cut in. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to rush off. He said he would come find me personally once they made it back and he knew more details.”

Pelna sat back down and leaned against Lib. No one knew what to say to that kind of news, even though it happened a lot more often than they liked to acknowledge. 

They finished their drinks in silence.

\--------

Nyx knew something was off. It was too quiet for this area, but he pressed forward just as he was told. Tapping his ear piece, he reached Luche.

“Luche, I think there’s something wrong.”

_“What do you mean, wrong?”_

“It’s far too qui….” 

And then it happened. About 20 hidden MTs self detonated, catching Nyx and about ten other Glaives in the process. Shrapnel, bricks, burning components, and body parts went flying in all directions. 

As he was blown back into the wall behind them, the only thing on Nyx’s mind before everything went black was _‘I’m sorry Pel. I love you.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -runs and ducks for cover-
> 
> I love cliff hangers, especially when there's so much riding on the line. 
> 
> No, I wont tell you what happens next, you have to wait for the next chapter. 
> 
> <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does Nyx live? Does he die? 
> 
> What's going to happen?

Pelna paced in Crowe’s kitchen. He couldn’t stand the thought of being alone while he waited for more news. He didn’t want to pester the Captain anymore than he had, but he needed to know. What happened? Who survived and who died? What side of that line was Nyx on?

Crowe and Lib watched him in silence, knowing nothing that they could say would help ease his nerves. It had been five hours since the initial phone call, and an hour since an update call. They wouldn’t say it, but they were just as worried as Pelna was. While Nyx was an asshole, he was their asshole. He was kind of like the glue that held everyone together. 

“Pel… You’re going to wear a hole in my kitchen floor.” Crowe said softly. 

Pelna stopped, and sighed. “I know, I’m sorry. I just.. I need to know…” He walked over to the couch and sat down, placing his head in his hands. “Thank you for letting me stay here tonight. I couldn’t stomach the idea of sitting alone…”

Crowe rubbed his back. “I know, and honestly… I don’t think any of us wanted to be alone either. We know what you and Nyx had was something different than what any of us had with him, but we all still love him.” 

They sat in silence before a knock on the door startled them. Pelna immediately got up and rushed over to open it. Drautos stood on the other side, his face blank. 

“You’re all welcome to come, but I’m really only here for Pelna.” Drautos said quietly. 

Pelna swallowed nervously and looked back at his friends.

“It’s okay, we’ll catch up with everything in a bit.” Crowe said softly. 

Nodding, Pelna followed the Captain out. Walking in silence, they made their way to the medical wing, and to the ICU section, which made Pelna both relieved and worried at the same time. 

Nyx was alive.

As they stopped at a closed door, Drautos turned to face him.

“It’s not pretty, and there’s still a high chance that he won’t make it. They’ve placed him into a medically induced coma for the time being until his stable enough to be awake. There’s a cot set up on the other side of the room, if you wish to stay.” 

Drautos patted his shoulder, and left. 

Listening to the fading footsteps he took a deep breath, opened the door and stepped inside. He held his breath until his eyes fell upon the man laying in the hospital bed. 

Connected to various machines, with IVs and cords everywhere, Nyx lay under a white blanket, breathing slowly. 

Pelna stepped forward slowly, sinking into the chair that had been left next to his bed. As gently as he could, he grasped Nyx’s hand and started to cry. 

“You stupid, stupid man… You better survive this. Because I know I won’t survive this if I got you back, just you lose you again.” He whispered softly, stroking his fingers. 

There was so much he wanted to say, but couldn’t find the words to actually say them, so he sat there beside him, watching him, holding his hand. 

He didn’t know when he had fallen asleep, but a nurse gently shook him by his shoulder. He jumped and looked around. “Hey sleepyhead. How about you go lie down? It will probably be a lot more comfortable than the position you were sleeping in.” 

Pelna yawned and looked between Nyx and the cot. 

The nurse chuckled. “I promise he isn’t going anywhere.” 

“I know. It’s just been a long while since I’ve seen him.” Pelna said quietly, squeezing Nyx’s hand before he got up and wandered to the cot. 

“Do you know if I’ve been clearance to told what happened?” he asked softly. 

“You’re Pelna Khara, correct?” 

He nodded in response. 

“Then yes, but I suggest sleeping first, and then either I or the doctor will sit down with you and explain everything that’s going on, okay?” She smiled warmly at him. 

He thought about pressing the issue, but he was really tired, and while it was silly to be afraid that Nyx wouldn’t be there when he woke up, he knew he would still be there. A few hours of sleep would do him good. He went to respond and only yawned again, which made the nurse giggle. 

He smiled, and rubbed the back of his neck. “Ahh, yeah.. I’m tired… I will come find you when I wake up.”

He flopped onto the cot, took one last look at Nyx, and drifted off to sleep.

\--------

When he awoke, he heard soft murmurs from across the room. He blinked groggily and looked over to see Crowe and Libertus near Nyx’s bed, talking softly. He stretched, groaning, before sitting up.

“Hey, look who’s finally awake.” Crowe smiled. 

“Mmmm… How long have you been here?” Pelna asked, getting up and walking to the edge of the bed. 

Lib grinned. “About two hours, and the nurse said you had been asleep for about five before that. There hasn’t been any changes, so you haven’t missed anything.” 

Pelna felt like he could probably sleep for another few hours, but wanted to catch up with his friends, and hunt down the nurse to find out what happened. 

“Mmmm.. Must have needed it.” he yawned and stretched, looking fondly at Nyx. 

Crowe walked around and threw her arm around his shoulders. “How are you, Pel?” 

He nuzzled close to her and sighed. “I’m… here. The fear of never seeing him again is gone, but now I’m afraid he’s going to die, and I’m still left with nothing.”

“You know we’re here for you, right? You didn’t need to hide yourself away like you did when he left. We were really worried about you.” Lib added, gently smacking Pelna’s arm. 

Pelna sighed. “I know. I’m used to everyone coming to me with their problems, that when I have them, I don’t know what to do. I guess I just shut down. I am glad you stuck around though.”

“Well duh, dumbass. That’s what friends are for.” Crowe grinned and pulled away. “You should go find the nurse though, she has information for you. We’ll man the fort until you get back, and then we’re dragging your sorry ass to go get food, and some beers since we got interrupted.”

Pelna snorted. “Yeah yeah. Alright. I’ll be back in a few.” He made his way to the side of Nyx’s bed, gingerly picked up his hand, while he bent down to kiss it. With a soft squeeze, he set it back down and left.

\--------

Pelna walked down the hall, and spotted the nurses station, and the nurse he had spoken to earlier.

“Ah, you’re awake! You look better than you did when you first came to visit him.” she smiled. 

He groaned, which made her laugh. 

“I’m June, by the way, I realized I didn’t introduce myself last night.” June held her hand out for a handshake, which Pelna reciprocated. 

“Pelna, but you already knew that… So.. do you have time to talk about…” he said and gestured towards Nyx’s room.

“I do, I was just waiting for you to wake up. Let’s go sit and talk, okay?” she led him off to a small table in the corner of the nurses station. 

“So… How bad of shape was he in when he came in?” he asked softly as he sat down.

“Well, there was a large piece of shrapnel, possibly a piece of an MT unit, lodged in his stomach which caused a decent amount of internal damage. Though, he’s lucky no one removed it, because it held everything in. Had someone pulled it out, he would have died in transit. That being said, he lost a large amount of blood, and had multiple broken bones. There was a minor head wound, but we don’t know right now if there was any brain damage.” June sighed and set down the charts she was looking at. 

“We’re now playing the waiting game. Sometimes the body can’t come back from injuries of this extent. We’re going to keep him in a medically induced coma for a few more days to see how well his body is reacting to everything, and if there’s positive change, then wean him off that medication. Hopefully he will come around on his own, and then more healing can happen.” 

Pelna let out a deep sigh and let his gaze on the floor. Nyx was in pretty rough shape. 

“What exactly are the chances of him making a full recovery, June?” he looked up at her, feeling that hollowness coming back. 

“Right now? Fifty/fifty. But it’s still early in the game, okay? Just keep visiting him. Talk to him, stay the night if you need too. He’s strong, I’m confident he’ll pull through, especially with someone like you by his side.” 

For the first time in over a month, hope bloomed in his chest.

The first week Pelna slept in Nyx’s room, just comforted by the fact that he was there, even if he was still in a coma. He eventually felt enough at ease to start sleeping at home again, and soon he began a new routine. Training in the morning, a quick trip to Nyx’s room to talk to him, see if there were any changes, then either back home, or out with the other Glaives. 

After day five, they had started to take him off the medicine that was keeping him in a coma, and by the end of the first week, he had none of it in his system.

The doctor explained the process, and the aftermath. “Now, he likely won’t wake up right away. It could take a few days, a few weeks, or up to a month before he wakes up. It’s hard to say. It really depends on the person, and if they’re strong enough to pull through on their own.” 

Pelna tried to keep the hope he was given alive. But the days turned into weeks, and while Nyx was healing, he still hadn’t woken up. June kept encouraging him to really talk to Nyx, so one night, he sat down and laid everything out for him. 

“June told me that talking to you could help you. To be honest I feel a little silly. Like I’m just talking to air, even though I see you in front of me… Ugh why is this so hard..” he sighed, bringing Nyx’s hand up to his cheek and nuzzling it. 

“I… I love you, Nyx. So much. I would follow you to the end of time if you asked me too. I know we had our bad moments, but every couple does…” He went quiet, taking a deep breath before he continued. 

“I can’t imagine my life without you in it anymore. When you left, and wouldn’t accept my calls, or would return my notes… I broke. I kept wondering what I had done wrong. But I realized that it wasn’t just me. We both have things to work on, and I want to work on them together.”

He kissed the palm of Nyx’s hand, setting it back down on the bed before he leaned over and kissed Nyx’s forehead. 

“Goodnight, love.”

\--------

Nyx felt like he was floating in a haze. Everything hurt, and yet nothing hurt. He couldn’t understand what was going on, other than he wanted to move, to wake up, and was unable to. Then, he started hearing muffled voices. He slowly began to distinguish who was who. Sometimes Crowe and Libertus was there. Drautos and Cor would stop by. But the only voice he wanted to keep hearing was Pelna’s.

“I love you, Nyx….”

That was what he needed to come back. To know the man he loved more than anything, still loved him back. 

He groaned. Everything really hurt now. It hurt to just hurt. He opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling, trying to remember how he got there. Was there an explosion? Had he been dreaming up everything he heard? No, that can’t be right, those words felt so real. 

“Pel...na… Pel…” he croaked out. 

Pelna thought he was dreaming when he heard his name, but when he heard it a second time, he was pulled from his slumber. 

“Pel…” Nyx said again. 

Pelna sat up, his heart racing. “Nyx?!” He scrambled off the cot and ran over to his bed. He looked down and saw him looking up, confused. 

Pelna choked. “Nyx!” 

Their eyes locked, and Nyx smiled. “You’re really here..” he whispered. “I wasn’t dreaming.”

Pelna gently stroked his face, crying. “Of course I’m here you idiot.” 

Nyx furrowed his brow in pain before looking back up at him. “Are you.. Going to leave?” 

“What? No. The only way I’ll leave is if you… You tell me too, Nyx, otherwise you’re stuck with me.” Pelna took in a shaky breath. “I love you…”

Nyx smiled and reached up to try and pull Pelna down to him. “I’m so sorry… I thought.. This was best… I couldn’t stop thinking of you… I never want to leave you again Pel… I love you too.”

Pelna rested his forehead against Nyx’s as he heard the nurses rush in to start checking vital signs. He pulled away and smiled. 

He knew the road ahead of them wasn’t going to be easy. There was a lot of healing and growth to be done for both of them, but he was ready to travel that road with Nyx at his side. 

Everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we've reached the end? I've left it open because I do plan on revisiting this later to see where they ended up after leaving the hospital.  
Or.. possibly posting the alternate ending that I have written. ;) 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me! Sometimes the muses just don't shut the fuck up xD.
> 
> Please, I do appreciate all feedback, even if you didn't like it, let me know! I can only get better when I know what to work on.


	5. Alternate Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the alternate ending. I actually wrote this first, before doing the softer, fluffier version. 
> 
> If I'm honest, I like this ending a little more. But I really wanted to write from both perspectives. 
> 
> Enjoy.

Pelna paced in Crowe’s kitchen. He couldn’t stand the thought of being alone while he waited for more news. He didn’t want to pester the Captain anymore than he had, but he needed to know. What happened? Who survived and who died? What side of that line was Nyx on?

Crowe and Lib watched him in silence, knowing nothing that they could say would help ease his nerves. It had been five hours since the initial phone call, and an hour since an update call. They wouldn’t say it, but they were just as worried as Pelna was. While Nyx was an asshole, he was their asshole. He was kind of like the glue that held everyone together.

“Pel… You’re going to wear a hole in my kitchen floor.” Crowe said softly.

Pelna stopped, and sighed. “I know, I’m sorry. I just.. I need to know…” He walked over to the couch and sat down, placing his head in his hands. “Thank you for letting me stay here tonight. I couldn’t stomach the idea of sitting alone…”

Crowe rubbed his back. “I know, and honestly… I don’t think any of us wanted to be alone either. We know what you and Nyx had was something different than what any of us had with him, but we all still love him.”

They sat in silence before a knock on the door startled them. Pelna immediately got up and rushed over to open it. Drautos stood on the other side, his face blank.

“You’re all welcome to come, but I’m really only here for Pelna.” Drautos said quietly.

Pelna swallowed nervously and looked back at his friends.

“It’s okay, we’ll catch up with everything in a bit.” Crowe said softly.

Nodding, Pelna followed the Captain out. Walking in silence, they made their way to the medical wing, and then down to the morgue. His heart sank with each step as they got closer to the door. Drautos stopped, letting him go first. He slowly opened the door, and felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. 

Nyx lay on the table with a heavy blanket from his neck down.

“It’s not pretty to look at. He suffered heavy damage, there was no surviving what happened to him.” Drautos said softly from behind him. 

Pelna walked slowly to the table. Nyx’s face had a few scratches and some dried blood on it, but otherwise, it looked like he was sleeping. Pelna gently ran his hand along his hair, toying with one of his braids, before he was unable to hold back the tears. 

“You.. you fucking idiot…” He said softly as a sob broke through. He began to crumble, and laid himself on top his chest. “You stupid, fucking idiot. Now you’ll never know how much you mean to me. How much I fucking loved you. How I would have traveled to the ends of Eos and back for you, and you go and get yourself blown up!”

He was screaming at this point. Screaming, shaking and sobbing. Drautos stopped the nurses from interrupting him. 

“Sir, the body…” one of them said quietly.

“Just let him.” Drautos sternly said back, and they let him be. 

Pelna sobbed and clutched Nyx’s body, wishing this was just a big joke. That he would wake up and go _“Boo fucker! Haha”_

“Please.. Please.. Just..” He just mumbled nonsense against his chest. 

Drautos walked over and gently placed his hand on Pelna’s back. “Pel, we need to go. They need to finish up with him so we can give him a proper burial.” He slowly pulled the other man off Nyx. 

Pelna allowed himself to be pulled away and leaned against the Captain. He reached out and stroked his hair again. “Can… Can I have one of his braids, please?” he whispered. 

“Yes, I will make sure they save one of them for you. Come on, you can stay with Cor and I tonight, okay?” Drautos said softly as he started to pull him towards the door. 

Pelna just nodded, feeling his world completely fall apart around him. As they walked into the hallway, Crowe and Libertus were standing there waiting. Crowe went to say something, but stopped when Drautos shook his head. 

“He’ll be with Cor and I. I would suggest leaving him alone for now. You also have permission to go in and see Nyx, but make it quick.” They nodded and shuffled past Drautos and Pelna. 

“Come on.. Let’s get you home.” Drautos said quietly as he helped Pelna walk along, which turned into Pelna being picked up and carried because he had just stopped being able to move himself. 

Drautos cradled him in his arms, not saying a word as Pelna cried against his shoulder. He had already called Cor ahead of time to let him know to have things ready. They were in for a long night. 

Pelna lost track of time, and didn’t realize they were already standing in Drautos’s living room until he was being lowered onto the couch. He blinked and looked around at his surroundings. Drautos sat next to him, pulled out an envelope and handed it over. He slowly looked at it, and saw it was addressed to him. 

“They found it on his body. Not sure how it survived, but here it is. I think it’s best if you read it now, rather than try to read it later and prolong the hurt.” Drautos patted his knee and got back up. “Cor and I will be here the rest of the night, and at least one of us will be home off and on all of tomorrow. I don’t want you going anywhere, okay?” 

Pelna just nodded, not trusting his voice. Drautos nodded back and left the room, leaving him alone with his letter. 

His hands shook as he slowly opened the envelope and pulled out the single piece of paper inside.

_“Pelna, _

_If you’re reading this, it means I was true to my word and I didn’t come back, or at least I didn’t come back alive. _

_I know.. I fucked up. I ran. I couldn’t handle it. None of this excuses what I did to you, and I just pray that there’s someone there who can put you back together. _

_After seeing what happened to Galahd, and then working for the Glaives, I realized there was no turning back from the darkness in my head, and I couldn’t dream of pulling you down with me._

_Had I been given a choice, where I could pick one person to create a home and a family with, you would have been the person I would have shared the rest of my life with. _

_I loved you more than words could ever describe. _

_And now I’m gone, and will never get to say them to you directly. _

_I’m sorry Pel. I’m so sorry._

_\- Nyx”_

Hands shaking, and he realized there was something else in the envelope, setting down the letter he slowly tipped it over. The small star charm he had given Nyx a while back fell out into his hand. Tears fell freely again as he . “You.. you… you…” was all he could get out before he began to sob. 

He didn’t hear Cor enter the room, nor did he really notice when he knelt down in front of him to hold him. 

“Come on, let’s go to the guest bedroom.” Cor whispered softly, and helped the sobbing Pelna up and down the hall.

\--------

The following few days were a blur. People came in and out of Drautos’s place for both him and Cor as they didn’t want to leave Pelna alone for an extended amount of time. As he requested, someone had cut out one of Nyx’s braids for him, and sent it to Drautos’s house. He found himself rolling it between his fingers often, while he lay in their guest bedroom.

Through numerous conversations overheard, Pelna found out that Nyx had been disemboweled by a large piece of shrapnel, and when he had been slammed into the wall, his spine had been broken in multiple spots. While they believe he had been unconscious for most of it, he didn’t die immediately. He died in transport back to insomnia. This broke Pelna, knowing that Nyx suffered and felt his end coming. 

Three other Glaives died with Nyx, and they chose to have a mass funeral, as it was cost effective, and easier on everyone than having to go to four separate ones. 

The day of the funeral, Cor helped Pelna get dressed in his Glaive uniform. Pelna hadn’t said much that week leading up to it, nor had he left the Captain’s and Marshall’s home. He was grateful for the two for helping him. Had he been left alone, he’s not sure he would be standing there today.

“Thank you, Cor…” he said softly as Cor fixed his collar. 

Cor smiled, and patted his shoulder. “It’s nothing. We would do this for any one of our men.”

“I know, but still… Thank you.” He paused for a moment. “I think I’m going to head home after the funeral. I would like to be alone for now.”

“That’s understandable. We’ll have your things sent over sometime tomorrow, sound good?” Cor smiled, and started to lead him out of the room so they could leave.

“Mmmm..”

\--------

Pelna sat between Cor and Crowe at the funeral. He opted not to view the open caskets. He knew Nyx would look different. Clean, but waxy. Stiff. Even though the image of him lying lifeless on the table wasn’t ideal, he was still soft, and looking like he was sleeping, instead of dead. He would gladly have that as his last memory of the man over this.

He also opted not to speak. He couldn’t trust himself not to break down in front of everyone, which surprisingly was a lot of people. Everyone from the king and his son, to shop owners, and seemingly random citizens who had had interactions with the four came to pay their respects. They had touched a lot of people’s lives, and that made Pelna happy knowing that Nyx wouldn’t go down in the books as a hot mess.

The service was coming to a close. Everyone was beginning to mingle with everyone else, and Pelna found himself inches towards the exit. It was done and over with, anxiety was welling up inside him, and he needed out. Cor was the first to notice, and made his way over. 

“Pel, are you okay?” He looked over him concerned. 

“No. I’m done. I need to go. Now.” 

Fully understanding, Cor helped guide him through the crowd to one of the back doors. “Just go, I’ll field any questions about you if they come in.”

Pelna hugged Cor tightly as thanks before he dashed out the door, running full sprint away from everything behind him. He kept running until he made it to his apartment. Completely out of breath, he leaned against the door frame, unsure if he really wanted to go inside, or if he wanted to keep running, even with no destination in mind. 

He resigned himself to entering the apartment, and slowly opened the door. The air felt stale as no one had been there in over a week. Fruit flies were buzzing around the counter since whoever came and got his clothes didn’t think to toss out the now rotting fruit. 

He looked around and felt hollow inside, knowing he couldn’t stay here any longer. 

He stripped out of his uniform, putting civilian clothing on, before sitting at his desk to write out multiple letters.

\--------

The next morning, Pelna knocked on the Captain’s office door.

“Come in.” 

Pelna steeled himself, and opened the door, shutting it quietly behind him. Drautos looked up in surprise. 

“I’m leaving, Captain.” Pelna said softly. 

“Leaving in what capacity?” Drautos asked. 

Pelna sighed, and set his badge on the desk. “Full capacity, Sir. I can’t do this anymore. While I know Nyx died a Glaive, and the best way to honor him would be to continue fighting as one, I simply can’t. It hurts too much to be here. He was my life, Sir. My everything. I love the others, and will miss them, but nothing compares to the hole left in my soul now that he’s gone.”

Drautos leaned back in his chair and sighed. He was afraid this would happen, but knew he wouldn’t attempt to stop it if it did. “May I ask where you’re going?”

Pelna shook his head no. “I don’t want to be found.”

Drautos stood up and walked around the desk, looking at the young man. “Did you let the others know?”

“I slipped letters into their lockers. Taking a page out of his book and taking the cowards way out.” Pelna had a grim smile on his face before he looked away. “Thank you for taking me in. Believing in me.” 

Drautos placed a hand on Pelna’s shoulder. “It was my honor to get to work with you, Pelna Khara. Be as safe as one can be out there.” He gave their salute “For Hearth and Home” 

Pelna smiled and returned the salute before walking out the door. 

He never looked back. 

Never went to his apartment for his belongings, only taking his phone, which he let die after the first day, the final letter from Nyx, the lock of braided hair and the star charm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -passes tissues-


End file.
